Rating System I

This Rating System is designed specifically to rate films. This system is very similar to that of the one in use on Zimmerman Notes, though modifications have been made. The system below has be developed in relation to the planets of the solar system in order of their mass. This also includes the sun. For the purpose of this list, Pluto will represent the lowest class, i.e. Dwarf Planet.

Centuri: Though it may have seemed that a Sun film was approaching the nearest thing to perfection that the world has seen since Eden, a Centuri Film reaches even beyond that. Everything must be perfect, without hesitation. Anyone who does not believe a film in this category is worth worshiping should be sent off to the sun to ensure none of their spawn soil the earth in the future. If there is a kingdom of heaven, these are the films being watched in it.

Sun: if you happened to be a person of faith or religious in the slightest, then films in this category will be the only proof you need as to the existence of god. Everything about them resonates with the viewer in ways that few other directors and producers could hope to achieve. Every watch brings new heartfelt emotion and new understanding to each individual word making up the collective fabric that is the beauty of the film. Little else of the mortal variety can compare to albums in this category. Continued exposure will lead you to the understanding that there is some redeeming quality in this poor world.

Jupiter: a film in this class provides something others fail to achieve; a sense of superiority is never stated only felt through the eyes as the window to the soul. The quality of the film is such that it plays from beginning to end in a nearly seamless fashion. There is little ordinary anywhere, and if there is it is made up for by any number of other factors.

Saturn: films in this category are ones which should be viewed in order to gain a crucial understanding of humanity as a whole.

Neptune: the sense of quality and care was obviously present during production of films in this category, though not in particularly large quantities. Repeated viewing is repaid with a sense of some cool, good feelings. Though the scene to scene progression may have dramatic highs and lows, indicating it’s closer to a full revolution of the economic cycle rather than one that presents only growth. A film in this category has have an audience who does not want to change the channel while watching it on TV.

Uranus: Films in this category represent ones that the average viewer can see were clear cut get rich quick schemes, often times poor sequels will find themselves in this category.

Earth: if you happened to find out that a close friend of yours owns one or more films in this category you may wish to re-evaluate your friendship, and unless immediate intervention is enacted then they may be lost to the mortal confines of hell in the foreseeable future.

Venus: Better than porn.

Mars: Worse than porn.

Mercury: Continued exposure may lead to hemorrhaging, if you feel pain, consult a doctor immediately, if you feel nothing consult a mortician, though there’s no great hurry.

Pluto: Blasphemy at its most prevalent, perhaps the sheer existence of films in this category proves that the Satan does in fact exist, and his war against god with us as the plaything is still in full swing.

Sincerely;

T.R.Z. Oswald