For those of you who never read the novels, are not entirely sure where and when they take place and more then anything else are drawn to either Robert Downey Jr. Good looks, kick ass antics or both then this will appeal to you. Action packed, kick ass, hardly followed the novels, but there was still at least a plot to be found, not much of one though. Though having walked in wanting nothing more than a film that was going to give me a good show of explosions and kick ass I was pleasantly surprised.
Rating = Uranus Film
Sincerely,
T.R.Z. Oswald
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Avatar (2009)
It seems that by this point the directorial fatcats out in Hollywood have stumbled upon the magical fairy dust, inside the Holy Grail, that is sitting in Atlantis in terms of film making. Deliver to your audience something that has enough in the way of special effects to make you feel a sense of accomplishment for technological advancement just by going to watch the film and it doesn’t matter how awful you make the plot people will still flock to see it. Now apparently this script has been in the works since 1994 (15 years for those of you who are not so mathematically inclined) and yet despite that it seems like the script was written by a child with no grasp on the realm of words. As for creativity Mr. Cameron get’s an F, it was hard for me to tell where he got his inspiration from, (The European conquest of North America, the Vietnam War?) or did he like Dance’s with Wolves so much that he decided to transport it a couple hundred years into the future? Throw in a little hint at the idea of environmental responsibility (to a world that is trying to cut carbon emissions) and hey presto look what you have. Then again I suppose I shouldn’t have expected much from the man who, when pressed to write a really good inventive and creative screenplay... couldn’t come up with anything and stole “Titanic” and just added a love story in there for good measure. Which speaking of which, no one would have thought it possible that any human could write a worse love story then George Lucas, really, no human. However Lucas may have steep competition after this film. “Then why save me?”, “You have a strong heart” (I am sorry, really I am but seriously?) or the scene in the forest with the trees that tell you stories and we get to see the aliens “mate to become one” and who would have thought that he goes for the girl that saved him? (Show of hands, anyone?). As we stand at a cross roads to see whether or not technology will completely override the need for a good story it seems by box office performance that looks to be the case, then again people have been eagerly lapping up the scraps of Survivor and Big Brother for years now, and there aren’t even any good visuals in that so why am I so surprised?
Rating = Venus Film
Sincerely,
T.R.Z. Oswald
Rating = Venus Film
Sincerely,
T.R.Z. Oswald
Rating System I
This Rating System is designed specifically to rate films. This system is very similar to that of the one in use on Zimmerman Notes, though modifications have been made. The system below has be developed in relation to the planets of the solar system in order of their mass. This also includes the sun. For the purpose of this list, Pluto will represent the lowest class, i.e. Dwarf Planet.
Centuri: Though it may have seemed that a Sun film was approaching the nearest thing to perfection that the world has seen since Eden, a Centuri Film reaches even beyond that. Everything must be perfect, without hesitation. Anyone who does not believe a film in this category is worth worshiping should be sent off to the sun to ensure none of their spawn soil the earth in the future. If there is a kingdom of heaven, these are the films being watched in it.
Sun: if you happened to be a person of faith or religious in the slightest, then films in this category will be the only proof you need as to the existence of god. Everything about them resonates with the viewer in ways that few other directors and producers could hope to achieve. Every watch brings new heartfelt emotion and new understanding to each individual word making up the collective fabric that is the beauty of the film. Little else of the mortal variety can compare to albums in this category. Continued exposure will lead you to the understanding that there is some redeeming quality in this poor world.
Jupiter: a film in this class provides something others fail to achieve; a sense of superiority is never stated only felt through the eyes as the window to the soul. The quality of the film is such that it plays from beginning to end in a nearly seamless fashion. There is little ordinary anywhere, and if there is it is made up for by any number of other factors.
Saturn: films in this category are ones which should be viewed in order to gain a crucial understanding of humanity as a whole.
Neptune: the sense of quality and care was obviously present during production of films in this category, though not in particularly large quantities. Repeated viewing is repaid with a sense of some cool, good feelings. Though the scene to scene progression may have dramatic highs and lows, indicating it’s closer to a full revolution of the economic cycle rather than one that presents only growth. A film in this category has have an audience who does not want to change the channel while watching it on TV.
Uranus: Films in this category represent ones that the average viewer can see were clear cut get rich quick schemes, often times poor sequels will find themselves in this category.
Earth: if you happened to find out that a close friend of yours owns one or more films in this category you may wish to re-evaluate your friendship, and unless immediate intervention is enacted then they may be lost to the mortal confines of hell in the foreseeable future.
Venus: Better than porn.
Mars: Worse than porn.
Mercury: Continued exposure may lead to hemorrhaging, if you feel pain, consult a doctor immediately, if you feel nothing consult a mortician, though there’s no great hurry.
Pluto: Blasphemy at its most prevalent, perhaps the sheer existence of films in this category proves that the Satan does in fact exist, and his war against god with us as the plaything is still in full swing.
Sincerely;
T.R.Z. Oswald
Centuri: Though it may have seemed that a Sun film was approaching the nearest thing to perfection that the world has seen since Eden, a Centuri Film reaches even beyond that. Everything must be perfect, without hesitation. Anyone who does not believe a film in this category is worth worshiping should be sent off to the sun to ensure none of their spawn soil the earth in the future. If there is a kingdom of heaven, these are the films being watched in it.
Sun: if you happened to be a person of faith or religious in the slightest, then films in this category will be the only proof you need as to the existence of god. Everything about them resonates with the viewer in ways that few other directors and producers could hope to achieve. Every watch brings new heartfelt emotion and new understanding to each individual word making up the collective fabric that is the beauty of the film. Little else of the mortal variety can compare to albums in this category. Continued exposure will lead you to the understanding that there is some redeeming quality in this poor world.
Jupiter: a film in this class provides something others fail to achieve; a sense of superiority is never stated only felt through the eyes as the window to the soul. The quality of the film is such that it plays from beginning to end in a nearly seamless fashion. There is little ordinary anywhere, and if there is it is made up for by any number of other factors.
Saturn: films in this category are ones which should be viewed in order to gain a crucial understanding of humanity as a whole.
Neptune: the sense of quality and care was obviously present during production of films in this category, though not in particularly large quantities. Repeated viewing is repaid with a sense of some cool, good feelings. Though the scene to scene progression may have dramatic highs and lows, indicating it’s closer to a full revolution of the economic cycle rather than one that presents only growth. A film in this category has have an audience who does not want to change the channel while watching it on TV.
Uranus: Films in this category represent ones that the average viewer can see were clear cut get rich quick schemes, often times poor sequels will find themselves in this category.
Earth: if you happened to find out that a close friend of yours owns one or more films in this category you may wish to re-evaluate your friendship, and unless immediate intervention is enacted then they may be lost to the mortal confines of hell in the foreseeable future.
Venus: Better than porn.
Mars: Worse than porn.
Mercury: Continued exposure may lead to hemorrhaging, if you feel pain, consult a doctor immediately, if you feel nothing consult a mortician, though there’s no great hurry.
Pluto: Blasphemy at its most prevalent, perhaps the sheer existence of films in this category proves that the Satan does in fact exist, and his war against god with us as the plaything is still in full swing.
Sincerely;
T.R.Z. Oswald
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Begining
I thought I would make a side blog, paralleling that of Zimmerman Notes only this time for film. More to come.
Sincerely;
T.R.Z. Oswald
Sincerely;
T.R.Z. Oswald
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